THE SMILE HAS LEFT YOUR EYES
by Kisaragia
Summary: Chaos unleashed by the breaking of an eighty-year old seal. An unexpected encounter with a mysterious mononoke. The uninvited youkai still lurking around the castle. Looming downfall. Helplessness, agitation and the Oracle's prophecy. My secret. My past.
1. Prologue

Prologue

I have never been held by anyone _so intimately_ like this before.

He has done it so smoothly that before I could react, he has already hauled me onto his arm, letting my body lean on the furry side of his attire.

Losing my composure, I instinctively throw my arms around his neck in panic, only to meet his inquisitive bewildered gaze. _We are so close to each other_. I have never been this close to a man, regardless of the fact that he is a _mononoke_, his scent – unquestionably masculine – arouses my feminine sensuality. His face is so impeccably handsome; I have not yet met a human this good-looking and I never know that _mononoke_ could be this beautiful.

With my cheeks flaming, I quickly withdraw my arms in a frenzy of embarrassment. When I accidentally look up, meeting my eyes are his cold aloof eyes, silently watching me coolly. Terrified to look him in the eye, I jerk my eyes from his and hope that both my blush and my racing heartbeat have eluded him.

None of my fumbling has evoked a word of displeasure from him. Neither have my flushing nor my erratic heartbeat stir one bit of emotions in him. He seems calm to me; his face has been wearing a blank expression of indifference all these while. He has nothing to say except to wait patiently for me to stop fidgeting awkwardly. When I eventually do, he moves on without saying a word. _Are mononoke all as devoid of feelings as him?_ I could not stop wondering.

He stands tall and strong, carrying me with just one arm as if I weigh nothing. _Are mononoke all as strong as him?_ I muse in my head.

He being a _mononoke_ may be disturbing, but _the truth_ is that _everything_ about him unsettles me.


	2. Chapter 1: The Order of Things

**One - The Order of Things**

"Once the heart has embraced love, it becomes impossible to live alone."

---- Fukuda Eri in "A Million Stars Falling from the Sky".

There are four men in the reception hall with me, all of them eyeing me curiously with distasteful smirks on their faces. One of them, a heavyset with thick black hair and angular jaw-line, most probably their leader, takes a step towards me. The oversized sable that he carries by his side is somewhat disturbing.

"Lady, what do you mean by you are here in the place of your _dono_ (殿, master)?" he hisses. "If the _dono_ has indeed sent you in his place, then I don't think he understands the gravity of the matter." The steel in his tone makes me stiffen. These men definitely mean business. I am still wondering what business do I have here.

He snorts. "Lady, this is our second trip here. The first time I was told that the _dono_ was away on a trip to the capital and this time the _dono_ is said to be unwell. Why do I get the feeling that the _dono_ lacks sincerity? Why don't you ask the _dono_ to make his appearance obediently rather than hide behind a woman?"

Feeling offended by his words of impudence, I lock my gaze with him, feeling defiant. "Honorable guest, the _dono_ is really unwell and unfit to entertain any visitors. My _dono_ is a widely well-respected honorable man with good reputation. As guests, don't you think that what you've just said is extremely inappropriate?"

A scowl knits his brow. "Lady, _what_ exactly are you? Why are you here?"

I realize that I have said too much. I should have just said "yes", "sure" and apologized.

"My name is Rin (りん), I am the tutor for the _dono_'s children."

"Tutor? Tutor for the children? Your _dono_ sent a tutor to represent him?" He chokes back a hysterical laugh and soon all of his men are laughing mercilessly together with him at me. When he and his men are finally done with laughing, he slants me a glance. "Does your _dono_ take us so lightly?"

"I am sent here by the Oracle, this is all I know."

It is the truth. As a mere tutor, I have no business to be here. Everything happened very abruptly: I was in the middle of the morning class with the children as usual when I was summoned to come here to handle the situation. This is definitely odd, given that Katagiri (桐片, 力夕ギリ)-sama, the chief housekeeper, being someone who is fiercely devoted to her work, would under no circumstances entrust her job to anyone. Perhaps that was why she eyed me an awkward glance just now. She must have found it unbelievable that someone further up the hierarchy actually attempts to interfere with her work.

"Lady Rin, do you know that our network extents to every corner of this region? All the noble families in this region are under our protection scheme, that is, besides yours. Your household is one month behind schedule. My _o__yakata_ (親方, boss/leader)_-sama_ would not be pleased to hear that it has been a wasted trip again this time. Originally, whoever incurs the wrath of my _o__yakata_-sama, only one fate awaits them – and that is death. I'm sure you have heard of what happened two months ago."

I freeze. Of course I know. Everyone knows. The news of the massacre traveled far and wide. The whole household of around fifty people, all killed, including women and children. The castle was reduced to ashes. The episode had alarmed the local and regional authorities. However, as the country is at war, the authorities have been unwilling to divert manpower to deal with them. Upon realizing that I am face-to-face with a group of ruthless murderers sends a frisson of alarm down my spine. Keeping my eyes lock on his menacing sable, I have been anticipating that he would be swinging that gigantic blade at me anytime. But no, he chooses instead, to my astonishment, to skim his finger along my jaw.

"But then you sure are beautiful, Lady Rin. The Oracle seems to know where my soft spot lies."

Blinking, I am so shocked that I forget to react. He is obviously heightened by my reaction, exulting when my breath quickens.

No man has ever dared to display such impertinence with me before.

"The Oracle is smart enough to send a young sweet thing like you to come talk to me. If it has been that old hag last time, I wouldn't have been pacified. On your account, I'd give you the benefit of the doubt. I shall go back empty-handed today again but I shall be back in three days. Be sure that the _dono_ is well enough to meet me, or else I cannot say for sure what would be the fate of this family."

Then, to my alarm, he goes on to clasp my hand and presses a lingering kiss to it that makes my skin feel all shivery. His eyes gleaming, he murmurs, "My name is Katsuaki (克顕, 力ツアキ), and we shall meet three days later, my lady."

He releases my hand and strolls toward the door together with his men following suit.

***

Although watching Katsuaki and his men leave is somewhat relieving, their pending return in three days worries me. I have heard the _dono_ speak about them, how this group of mercenaries has been remarkably high-handed in their acquisition of clients by threatening them with force. While their method has been relatively successful, given that the majority of the families in the region have acquired their services no matter how grudgingly, it has equipped them with both money as well as arrogance. Being young and righteous, the _dono_ has sworn that he would not succumb to their bidding. In turn, over the last month, the _dono_ has recruited a few more groups of mercenaries to protect the castle so that we could be protected from Katsuaki and his men. Gossip has it that the Oracle has asked the _dono_ to go along with their request but the _dono_ has refused to listen to the Oracle.

"Sensei!"

Being so absorbed in my own thoughts, I have not noticed a shrine maid coming towards me. I stop in my tracks to wait for her to catch up with me.

"Sensei, the Oracle asks for you to come see her."

I nod. The request is hardly surprising since the Oracle is, after all, the one who has set me up this morning.

"I understand. I will go to the shrine after I finish up the morning lesson with the children."

The shrine maid shakes her head and insists, "Sensei, the Oracle would like you to go to her _right now_. It is the wishes of _kami _(神, god)_-sama_, so please kindly come with me now."

I suck in a breath. Although mildly agitated at the arrogance of the shrine, I am not going to kick up a fuss. I nod slightly to signal my agreement. Just as we are about to turn and leave, a frantic figure comes running towards us.

"Rin! Rin-chan! Wait!"

It is Maru (まる), my bosom friend as well as one of the lady-in-waiting for the _dono_'s children. I arch my eyebrow, suspecting that it has got something to do with the young master, the _dono_'s only son. Maru has a history of "losing" him.

"Maru-chan, what is it?"

"It's _wagakimi_ (我が君, master)! After you set your foot out of the classroom, he refused to practice his _koto_ (琴, zither-like instrument) and insisted on getting _hime _(姫, young mistress)_-sama_ to go out and play with him. When _hime-sama_ refused, he drew his sword and the strings on _hime-sama_'s koto. _Hime-sama_ has been crying ever since, what should I do? If Katagiri-sama finds out that _wagakimi _is running around the premises up to some mischief somewhere instead of practicing his _koto_ as per schedule, I would get scolding!"

I burst into laughter. It is typical of our little young master to pull such tricks, as it is normal for Maru to find him a handful, as she could not keep up with him. As the only male descendant of the _dono_, he is particularly doted on and spoilt by his parents. On the contrary, his sister is much more obedient. Being a girl, she has never received the kind of attention or expectations from her father, hence her docility. However her mother, Lady Yasuko, dotes on her very much nevertheless.

"I thought something big has happened looking at how flustered you are! The easiest way to get _waga_'s cooperation is simple – just take away whatever that interests him if he chooses to disobey, and when he does obey, give him a reward."

Maru scratches her head. Smiling faintly, I continue, "Tell _waga_ that I would be coming to check on the both of them later after their afternoon nap. If any one of them is not able to reproduce the tune that I taught this morning, the person would have to stay on to practice on his or her _koto_ this evening and that person would have to miss watching the _youkai_ (妖怪, demon) _taijiya_ (退治屋, exterminator) in action!"

Maru's face brightens then chuckles, "Oh yes! The _youkai_ _taijiya_! _Wagakimi_ has been looking forward to meeting the _youkai_ _taijiya_ for weeks! He would kick himself if he has to miss the event!"

I nod my head in agreement and grin. For a restless child like him, the excitement of meeting _youkai_ _taijiya_ is akin to going to a bonfire.

"But what about _hime-sama_'s broken koto?"

"Tell the children to take turns to practice on the good one, I will fix the broken one this afternoon."

Disregarding the presence of the shrine maid next to us, Maru throws her arms around me. "Oh Rin-chan, you're the best! No wonder you are my best friend!" Then as if she has just seen a ghost, her face turns pale while she suddenly retracts her arms to her side.

"Katagiri-sama!" Maru drops her gaze to the ground submissively as she greets the approaching solemn woman.

"Maru, do you have some kind of business here at this hour or is it that you've lost _wagakimi_ again?"

Maru's stance visibly stiffens.

Katagiri Takako (桐片孝子, 力夕ギリ夕力コ)– middle-aged, poised, and stern – head of the servants in this household, I heard from Maru that she has been here ever since she was eight. Her high-handedness and her efficiency got her to the top the hierarchy of the servants when she was only twenty. She devotes her life to the running of this household, which is definitely not an easy chore since there are about two hundred people here in total. She has my utmost respect, as I suspect that this household would be in chaos if not for her. However, her uptightness and need to be in control can make one's life rather unbearable. She has reprimanded Maru numerous times on the need for her to restrain her overly "uncultured willfulness" and her inappropriate manner of addressing others with the suffix of "-chan" in public.

"Katagiri-sama," I interrupt on purpose. "I left in the middle of the lesson abruptly this morning, Maru is here to check whether I would be coming back to teach or if the children could be dismissed early."

Katagiri-sama casts me a look, slants back a look at Maru and grunts.

"Maru, go back to where you should be found. If I catch you skiving again, you will be punished."

Bowing and repeating her apologies and yeses, Maru quickly fleets with her tail in between her legs. Watching her go like that, I feel sorry for her. It is in her personality to be spontaneous like this and I like her for being so forthright. Maru is my first friend in the household. I have been lucky enough to share a room with her initially when I came here to live. Although I moved out of the servants' quarters very soon as I was given the task of tutoring the _dono_'s children, we have already become good friends.

As soon as Maru is gone, Katagiri-sama turns to me.

"Sensei, Yasuko (安子,ャスユ)-sama has asked for you. I'm here to get you."

Yasuko-sama asking for me – it can only mean one thing.

"Is Yasuko-sama not feeling better?" I can almost hear myself sigh as I speak.

Katagiri-sama shakes her head. The seriousness in her eyes a minute ago is replaced by concern. As strict as she can be when handling the servants under her, Katagiri-sama genuinely cares about the well-being of her masters and I like her for that.

At this point, the shrine maid steps forward and urges tersely, "Katagiri-sama, the Oracle has asked for _sensei_ to go see her immediately."

Katagiri-sama eyes at her coolly. "Please convey to the Oracle that Yasuko-sama has asked for _sensei_ to go see her _immediately_ as well, so _sensei_ shall go to the Oracle after she's been to see Yasuko-sama."

An expression of sheer incredulity spreads over the face of the shrine maid. "But… but… it is the wishes of _kami-sama_ that _sensei_…"

Katagiri-sama snaps, "_Sensei_ shall only go to the shrine after she visits Yasuko-sama – which part did you not understand? Now go tell the Oracle _that_."

***

Katatgiri-sama and I walk side-by-side in silence. Although I respect the woman for her capability and have always wanted to get to know her better, we never have much to talk about when together as our dealings often limit to matters relating to work. As I am not exactly a servant, Katagiri-sama does not command me around (luckily!). While she is a difficult person to please, she seems to be pleased with me and my contribution to the household. In fact, Katagiri-sama is somewhat my benefactor because if it had not been for her to defy the wishes of the Oracle four years ago and persuaded the _dono_ in letting me stay, I would not have known what to do and where to go.

Waking up in the house of strangers four years ago, not being able to remember my name, who am I and where did I come from – is the worst kind of nightmare for anyone. The only clue that I have of my past, is the exquisite jade pendant hanging around my neck. At the back of it, two characters have been etched on it – "ri" and "n" – therefore the assumption that "Rin" is possibly my name, which is, if the jade had indeed belonged to me in the first place. The jade is such a beautiful piece of work finished with refined workmanship. According to Yasuko-sama, market price for such a piece could be exorbitant.

I could still remember Katagiri-sama's surprise, and my own surprise, at that time, to realize that not only I can write and read exceptionally well, I am also skilled in playing musical instruments like the _koto_ and the flute. These are tell-tale signs that I may have been of noble background myself. However, someone of a noble background would not have a simple peasant's name as "Rin". Furthermore, I find myself at the same time knowledgeable about recognizing herbs in the wild, which is a strange ability for a noblewoman to possess.

My past is indeed a mystery. Many nights I lie in bed awake, mulling over random possibilities of my upbringing. Maybe I ran away from home, perhaps unhappy with certain decisions made on my behalf by my parents, say for example, a marital arrangement. Back then I was around fifteen sixteen years old, the usual marrying age for girls. Or for all I know, I could be kidnapped for money or political reasons? I could have tried to escape but in the process, I got myself swept away by the river. A villager from the village at the bottom of this mountain found me. Almost drowning, I ended up forgetting everything.

I have always thought that if I have waited long enough, my family would come looking for me. But four years have gone by, no one ever came. Why am I being abandoned like this with no recollection of who I am? These are questions I have no answers for. Maybe I would never be able to get to the bottom of these mysteries. Breakdown, cry – I have done all that. However, when tears dry up, life goes on. I could have chosen to leave this place to go "look" for my past. But no, I have chosen to stay and start afresh here. I lack the courage to leave, afraid of what I would find. I still need to remind myself from time to time to be grateful for the life I have now, that it is better not knowing the past and that the future is most important. But during those nights when I forget to do so, I would stare and stare into the air, sometimes thinking nothing and sometimes musing whether _this_ is really alright.

"Yasuko-sama has been on my mind a lot lately," I confess, breaking the silence between Katagiri-sama and me.

Although I am formally a tutor for the children, I help out with the family's physician with fetching herbs from the wood and concocting medication – hence my title of "_sensei_" has two layers of meaning.

"I thought that the usual prescription would have been able to help her sleep and relieve some pain, but it seems that it is no longer suitable for Yasuko-sama's condition. Tomorrow I shall go into the woods to get some new herbs. It has a while I've done that, so who knows, I may come across something invaluable for her condition."

Katagiri-sama sighs deeply. "Yasuko-sama will never be able to recover fully as long as the _youkai_ lingers around here. It has been more than three years that _that_ _youkai_ is haunting us, and we still have no clue what does that _youkai_ want from us! What should we do to make it leave? Even the Oracle is at her wits' end. These _youkai_ _taijiya_ who are coming tonight, are they good? Good enough to accomplish the job that no one has been able to do? Can they really banish the _youkai_ that priests, monks and Oracles cannot banish? Can we can really live in peace once again after tonight?"

I nod in agreement. We all want the _youkai_ to go away badly. We all fear _youkai_. We would do and give anything to appease it. As long as it goes away and let us live in peace.

Reaching Yasuko-sama's quarters and when we are about to enter, Katagiri-sama stops in her path. Seeing her stop, I stop too, waiting for her to speak her mind. Slowly and deliberating, she turns to face me. "_Sensei_, be wary of the Oracle."

Her words catch me by surprise. It is not because of what she said, but rather because the Katagiri-sama I know is formal and dignified. It is very rare for someone like her to openly voice her view on someone as senior and as highly respected in the household as the Oracle.

She continues, "People from the shrine have a way of phrasing words that make it seem like you are committing blasphemy if you don't do what they say. I believe that it is not a good sign that the Oracle has asked you to go handle those mercenaries in my place out of the blue. Just remember that Yasuko-sama has brokered for you a good marriage – go along with it, don't falter and let the Oracle convince you to do otherwise. Marriage to a reputable man is the most important thing in a woman's life – if I had been as lucky as you to have met a good mistress like Yasuko-sama when I was young, I wouldn't be here now."

I nod obediently, at the same time a little puzzled by her distaste for the Oracle. I shun the Oracle because I know that my presence in the household displeases her, but for Katagiri-sama to dislike the Oracle is strange. From what I have heard, the Oracle and the Holy Shrine have done numerous good things for the _dono_ and his family, blessing the family generation after generation.

"Sensei, please be careful and return safely from the back mountains tomorrow. Take Maru with you if you have to. You do remember where does the partition lies don't you?"

"Yes, I do." It is extremely important to take care not to cross over the border to the land on the other side – this, everyone knows. As a result, only a handful of people are allowed access to the back mountains.

Katagiri-sama signals for me to go see Yasuko-sama by myself. I bow slightly and enter the chamber. As Yasuko-sama's chambermaid has announced to her a while ago of my arrival, when I enter, she is already sitting on her bed smiling weakly at me.

After performing a curtsy, I smile and ask, "Yasuko-sama, how are you?"

A contented smile touches her lips. "Rin, come and sit next to me." I do as I am told, taking a seat next to Yasuko-sama. She reaches for my hand and holds it in her palms.

"Rin, I had a dream yesterday, it was about you!"

I choke back an amused laugh. "Wow, I'm in Yasuko-sama's dream! But before that my lady, where are you not feeling well?"

"My chest, I have been feeling tight in the chest, sometimes even short of breath since yesterday evening."

I reach for the towel hanging from a basin with water nearby to wipe off beads of sweat from her forehead. She is obviously far from well. It seems that her body is not reacting well to the medication.

"This creature is very powerful. I can constantly feel the vastness of its energy overwhelming me. Do you think the _youkai_ _taijiya_ coming tonight would be able to handle it?"

To get her mind off her condition, I ask, "So tell me about your dream! What was I doing in your dream?"

A smile curves her lips. "I saw you being enfolded and cradled by a stream of white light. Although I could not make out your expression very well, I know that you are happy."

I raise my eyebrows inquiringly. "Hmm, I wonder what does this mean?"

"I think it means that you will be happy with your new life!" Yasuko-sama rattles on light-heartedly, "The light felt gentle and warm, I could feel the love that is embodying you. The energy of this love is so overwhelming that it touches the people and the environment surrounding you. Oh Rin, I feel so happy for you! You will be so happily married to Shujo (秀忠, シュウジョウ)-oni-sama!"

I lower my gaze and smile uneasily.

Togo Shujo (東郷秀忠, 卜ゴシュウジョウ), one of Yasuko-sama's cousins, is a personable young man in his thirties, a courageous warrior and a highly-regarded general to _ue-sama_ (上様, address of someone of extremely high status, i.e. the Emperor or the Shogun). He is also the man I am to marry next year spring as his second wife.

I met Shujo-sama by chance in the castle when he was here to meet the _dono_ a few months back. I was appreciating the blossom of spring flowers in the garden and in my private moment of enjoyment, I started reciting one of my mediocre works of poetry, and he surprised me by reciting a connecting phrase that rhymed well with mine. Although we did not speak to each other (I was so embarrassed that someone overheard me and at the same time rather upset that he has been rude enough to watch me silently for some time without announcing his presence that I took my leave quickly soon after.), he had asked about me and that resulted in Yasuko-sama brokering the marriage for me. When we did eventually meet up again, he seemed to possess a pleasantly likable disposition and I like it that he appreciates fine art and poetry as much as me. While our meeting was nothing of bright sparks or fervor stirring of the heart, I was pleased with the arrangement. Like how Katagiri-sama puts it, a woman's marriage is her ultimate destiny: whether you can have a good life or not depends on how well you marry. Most importantly, while the Oracle has criticized my plight of being, in her words, "a woman without a past, without a history, and without a birth chart", hence unsuitable for marriage as the future holds too much unknown, Shujo-sama was not deterred from his decision. Yasuko-sama, on the other hand, had stood by me, dispersing the concerns that the _dono_ has arising from the Oracle's accusation. Although Yasuko-sama and I are not related by blood, we have a very good relationship with each other and we have come to regard each other as "sisters". Come to think about it, I am indeed very blessed.

However, it is also precisely this blessing that I receive from others that I fear that one day if my past were to catch up with me, and if my past has been one that is not appropriate for my present status, people around me would be disgraced as a result. The Oracle's words about me, what she could tell from reading my face and my palms, have been lingering at the back of my mind.

Sensing my doubt, Yasuko-sama tips up her chin, determined to make me a believer. "Rin, have faith in yourself and hence have faith in your past. You are such a good person – a good teacher and mentor to my two children, a good help to this household, and above all, a good sister to me. You can't possibly stray far from being a good person four years before. I believe that it must have been something unfortunate that happened to you that caused you to end up here rather than something bad that you did and were punished for it. Don't let what the Oracle said bring you down. Isn't it most important that Shujo-oni-sama does not mind?"

"Yasuko-sama," as I hold her wrist to check her pulse, I continue, "Thank you for dreaming so well about me. But right now your job is to sleep, rest and recover. Dreams take away too much of your energy – as if having to deal with a _youkai_ that severely impacts your energy field is not enough – I sure hope that you wouldn't be dreaming again tonight. I will concoct a prescription for you to sleep better next to relieving your pain later. Tomorrow I will be making a trip to the woods at the back to get some new herbs for your improved prescription. Meanwhile for today, I'm afraid that you'll have to make do with what we have in the herb room." After taking note of her pulse rate, I pull down her sleeve and put her hand nicely under the blanket.

"This _youkai_," a sad little frown mars Yasuko-sama's smooth brow, "is not going to be easy on the _youkai_ _taijiya_ who are coming tonight, will it?" A sigh escapes her lips. "It is after all not for nothing that this _youkai_ has persisted sticking around the premise of our castle all these years. The holy ceremony that the Oracles from all four directions (i.e. North, South, East, West) had gathered to perform, the chanting of the Ultimate Holy Sutra by the holy monks for forty-nine days, and purification done by the abbot – nothing has worked. I heard that a distinguished monk who excels in _youkai_ extermination, Ungai (雲涯, ウンガイ), has even refused to help us. Rin, I seriously doubt that the_ youkai_ _taijiya_ coming tonight would be able to change anything."

I force a smile. "Yasuko-sama, remember what I've just said? Your job now is to sleep, rest and recover. Since the _dono_ has employed them, they must have some merits. Up to now we have only seek the help of the temple and the Holy Shrine, so who knows? Perhaps _youkai_ _taijiya_ could finish the job that monks and Oracles could not? It is after all their specialty. I hear that the people coming tonight are very good at what they do, they are very well-known in their line, and their leader is the descendant of the former famous _youkai_ _taijiya_ clan that used to possess a powerful magical stone called '_Shikon no tama_ (四魂の玉, jade of four spirits)'. Hence Yasuko-sama, please have some faith!"

Yasuko-sama nods slowly. "Oh yes, I heard of '_Shikon no tama_' before from the Oracle. I remember that she mentioned that '_shikon_' refers to the four essences that comes together to form our heart. '_Aramitama_ (荒魂)' for courage, '_nigimitama_ (和魂)' for kinship and friendship, '_kushimitama_ (奇魂)' for knowledge, and '_sakimitama_ (幸魂)' for love. I've always enjoyed it when the Oracle conducts a reading, hence I remember what she taught."

I add, "I heard that the _Shikon no tama_ was so powerful that there was a period of time when both human and _youkai_ were fighting over it." I sigh and shake my head. "Too bad that the _miko_ (巫女, priestess) who is the reincarnation of the powerful _miko_ who was the keeper of _Shikon no tama_ has gone missing. According to the Oracle, this _miko_ would have been powerful enough to subdue any _youkai_, but no one knows her whereabouts since a few years ago."

***

On my way walking towards the shrine, I could not help but think of Yasuko-sama. I really feel sorry for her. Ever since the _youkai_ appeared in the vicinity more than three years ago, she has become so sickly that she has to be confined to her bed and could hardly go outdoors. According to the Oracle, Yasuko-sama is born with an unfortunate birth-chart that lacks the coherence of the five elements: water, wood, mental, fire and earth, resulting in her energy field being exceptionally susceptible to the negative energy field of underworld beings like ghosts and spirits. Being born with a physically frail body, Yasuko-sama could not bear children for the _dono_, and that has been her perpetual regret. However, I have heard of another unofficial reason being that the Oracle has forbidden Yasuko-sama to bear children, claiming that Yasuko-sama's offspring would inherit her bad karma from her previous life. As a result, _hime-sama_ was borne by the second wife and _waga_ by the third.

According to the Oracle, _youkai_ generally have stronger energy fields than human, but their energy fields are positive like humans, hence Yasuko-sama has never much trouble with _youkai_'s energy field, that is, until now. This particular _youkai_'s energy field has been so powerful that it has disrupted her energy field to the extent that it has become devastating to her health. Somehow for some reason, this _youkai_ has co-existed with us peacefully for the past few years without showing itself once or hurt anyone from the castle. However, its presence is constantly on our minds and we want it banished badly. _Youkai_ are after all inauspicious beings that induce fear in one's mind. It is very discomforting to know that there is a _youkai_ lurking around. However, this _youkai_ is so persistent that no matter how much is done, it simply could not be purified or banished. It is the Oracle's theory that if we can know the motive of _youkai_ for being here and if we give it what it is looking for, it should go away. That is, if only we know.

Approaching the Holy Shrine, two shrine maids come up to receive me.

"_Sensei_, the Oracle is expecting you. This way please."

I nod and follow them obediently. We walk through the pathway that cuts through the yard before the shrine. Curious of all the building and shifting of things in the yard, I stop in my path to look.

"We are getting ready for the exterminating ceremony tonight," one of the maids explains.

"These _youkai_ _taijiya_, does the Oracle predict that they will successfully exterminate that_ youkai_ tonight?" I ask plainly.

"Sensei, the Oracle would not share _kami-sama_'s revelations with lowly servants like us, hence I wouldn't be able to answer you on this. My apologies."

"I see." I nod to signal my understanding and we walk on. When we reach our destination, one of them stays outside the room while the other ushers me in. Leading me to a chair, she gestures for me to take a seat. At this point, another maid enters with a teapot and some snacks. As the maid offers me a cup of tea, the shrine maid who showed me in says, "The Oracle has been notified of your arrival. She would be here in a short while. Please wait patiently."

"I will."

Before taking their leave, both bow and utter, "May _kami-sama_ bless you."

"May _kami-sama_ bless you too." I reply in kind.

Immediately after the door is closed after their departure, I jump out of my seat to walk around. This is my first time entering the premises of the Holy Shrine. Over these four years, I have purposely avoided the shrine due to the Oracle's misgivings about me.

The room is rather ordinary, except for the size being twice the size of a normal room. Large antique chairs line the two sides of the room, each separated by a side table. This would seem like a room that the Oracle utilizes to meet visitors. Wandering to the corner of the room, I discover an altar hidden at one of the corners. While the altar is littered with food offerings on it, prominent is the huge statue of _Kuan Yin_ (Buddhist goddess of compassion) and a gigantic tray with ashes in it holding three sticks of thick burning joss sticks. I take some time to admire the statue of _Kuan Yin_ because she is not a very common _kami_ that people worship and hence to be honest, I am rather surprised to find respects being paid to her here at the Holy Shrine. Then, I see it: a crude painting of a creature with seemingly voracious eyes and a marking of crescent moon across its forehead propped against the statue behind the ash tray. Intrigued, I pull the portrayal out to take a closer look.

"Is this a _kami_ too?" I wonder. The depiction feels raw, unprepared and as if done in a hurry. Perhaps due it being done in red ink in its entirety, the killing intent in its eyes appears somewhat ominously insatiable: how can this be an image of a _kami_? I study it for a few more moments, pondering on what this creature should be. _Youkai_? But then is it not inappropriate to place an illustration of a _youkai_ on the altar of _kami-sama_?

"The Oracle arrives!" the maids outside the room announces.

In a fluster, I quickly put the painting back to where it belongs and race back to my seat. Luckily the Oracle only enters a few seconds later, giving me some time to assume my composure. Upon the Oracle's entrance, I get up from my seat and pay obeisance to her. "May _kami-sama_ bless you, honorable Oracle." As her status is higher up in the hierarchy over mine, she merely nods her head to signal her acknowledgement of my greetings while replying in kind, "May _kami-sama_ bless you too, _sensei_."

Unable to withhold my curiosity, I ask bluntly, "Tonight – these _tajiya_, will they be able to exterminate that _youkai_? Have you gotten any kind of indication from _kami-sama_?"

The Oracle casts me a blank glance for a moment and then bursts subsequently into a mocking laughter. She has no idea how her laugh is grating on my nerves.

"_Sensei_, you've got to be kidding if you think that a commoner group of _youkai taijiya_ can accomplish what many others more skilled and more holy before them have tried but failed." An inelegant snort escapes her. "In my eyes, _youkai taijiya_ are merely a group of people with some skills and experience dealing with mediocre _youkai_, if a _youkai_ this powerful were to indeed appear tonight, we would be done for if we need to depend on them. The Holy Shrine is just accommodating as it is _dono_'s idea to invite them here."

My heart sinks as I have been genuinely hoping that the _youkai taijiya_ would be able to release us from our predicament. I guess I pinned my hopes too high, hence my immense disappointment. I close my eyes and Yasuko-sama comes to my mind.

"Is there really no one out there who can lure this creature out and deal with it? How much longer do we have to put up with this situation?"

The Oracle sucks in a breath. "_Sensei_, please be assured that the Holy Shrine is doing all we can. This is a very strange situation indeed, in fact unprecedented. Not even once during my teacher and my grand-teacher's years of leadership of the Holy Shrine has there been a situation like this whereby a sophisticated _youkai_ haunts humans for no apparent reason. _Kami-sama_ has not revealed to me any signs and there must be a good reason for this. _Sensei_, such uncertain times is not a time for us to feel helpless. It is during difficult times that our faith in the way of the _kami_ is being tested. I would beseech you to simply trust and believe in _kami-sama_."

Suddenly recalling something, I shoot a her glance. "Oracle, how about the powerful _miko_ you mentioned before? The one you think would be able to subdue any _youkai_ but disappeared a few years ago? Have you ever tried to look for her?"

For some reason, her face makes a grimace of disgust. "We did try to look for this _miko_, thinking that she could be of some help to our cause…" She goes abruptly still, a flicker of a scowl passes across her face. "It is just that in the process of our search, I unraveled some things that made me realize that this _miko_ is not the right candidate for the job, hence we stopped looking."

"Not the 'right candidate'?" I prod, determined to get a valid reason out of her.

The Oracle arches an eyebrow. "This _miko_ – was the target of _Seito_ (青鞜, セイトウ) – I believe that was the reason why she disappeared underground. To make the long story short, I will just tell you this: _Seito_ was a group of activists who arose a few years back for the righteous cause of wanting to restore the balance of the world as _kami-sama_ created it by punishing foolish humans who attempt to disrupt the balance. According to my information, this _miko_, while gifted with godly powers, committed blasphemous sins by entering matrimonial union with a creature not from our world and bore non-human offspring. We, the Holy Shrine, would never associate ourselves with such unholy persons!"

It is no secret that the Oracle believes strongly in keeping the world in balance according to the ways of the _kami_, whereby humans live within the human world, spirits stay within the spiritual world, and _youkai_ remain in the _youkai_ world. Any crossover of one being to another being's world is considered upsetting the balance of nature.

"_Sensei_," she continues, "let's not be quick at feeling dismay. The ways of the _kami_ works in mysterious ways. We shall find a way to deal with this _youkai_ eventually. In the coming months, I will be going to the capital, and when I do, I shall arrange for a meeting with the Oracle of the central – she is the authority in our world and perhaps she could give us some wise advice." Ready to switch our subject of conversation, she spreads an ingratiating smile over her face and asks, "I hear that your meeting with the mercenaries this morning went rather well. Is that right?"

Rather well? I honestly do not think so. "Your information must have been inaccurate. Those men would be returning in three days and if they do not get an audience with the _dono_ then, I think they will raze this place to the ground – they seem ruthless enough for that. Honorable Oracle, please talk to the _dono_ again and advise him according to the wishes of _kami-sama_."

A faint smile touches her lips. "Yes, if not for you, _dono_'s complacency would indeed invite a tragedy – I witnessed that in my vision! But not anymore since you are around. I prayed to _kami-sama_ to show me a way to avert this misfortune – and _kami-sama_'s answer to me is _you_. _Kami-sama_'s revelations wouldn't be wrong: one of their leaders must have taken a liking for you. His fondness of you would avert the disaster."

My face hardens. _Sensei, be wary of the Oracle._ Katagiri-sama's words ring in my ears.

What Katagiri-sama has feared for me has come true.

I paste a smile on my face. "Oracle, I hope you are not meaning what I think you are meaning. I'm not answerable to you, and I'm not someone you can order around in the name of god. As for what happened this morning, there wouldn't be a second time. I would appreciate it if you would let Katagiri-sama handle Katsuaki and his men."

The Oracle eyes me askance. "What an atrocious thing to say _sensei_! You speak as if none of these concerns you. Why did you think I got you to go in the place of Katagiri? While everyone is fearful of the _youkai_ looming at large, to think that we would go down not because of the _youkai_ but because of humans! How ironic is that!" Narrowing her eyes, she points her finger at me. "_Sensei_, there are times when one must sacrifice for the sake of the rest. You should be grateful for the opportunity for you to repay _dono_'s kindness for taking you in four years ago."

I cast her a defiant glance. "I've been promised to Shujo-sama, please remember that."

"What do you think is so special about yourself, _sensei_?" Running her gaze down my body with an impudence bordering an insult, she retorts, "You may have some looks, can read and write and recite some poems as if you are some noble, but women like you are not a rarity. A man like Togo Shujo can have numerous ladies like you to choose from as his concubines anytime. If you think that you are special to him, you really think too highly of yourself! It is common knowledge that the nobles never marry for love – sometimes not even commoners do – hence _sensei_, the truth is this: you are only interesting to him until he gets his next wife. This thing called 'love' – yes, there may be such a thing between a mother and her children, but between a man and a woman?" she snorts, "Hardly! Even if there is, it is fleeting at best for as long as a woman's youth and beauty can keep her man's attention."

I stifle a gasp at her bluntness, only to find myself shaking with impotent rage. I have always liked the Oracle as little as she liked me. I believe I actually detest her from now onwards.

"Oracle, there is going to be no end to our disagreement. I don't wish to further entangle myself in this meaningless deliberation. I would like to take my leave soon as many tasks await me. Before this I would like to inform you of my intention to go to the back mountains to gather herbs tomorrow. Please kindly open the gate for me."

"It has been some time since you went up there, do you still remember where does the boundary lie?"

"I'm not someone who forgets important things like this."

"Very well. I will order the guards to open the gate tomorrow morning at sunrise. We will lock it at sunset. Please ask one of the hunters to go with you if you are unsure of your way. After all, they go up there more frequently than anyone of us. You are bringing someone with you, are you?"

"Please rest assured Oracle. It is not my first time going there. I will bring someone with me."

"Good."

Just as I am getting up to pay her obeisance before my impending departure, the Oracle remarks, "_Sensei_, you shouldn't set your mind on marrying Shujo-sama because that's not your destiny. I may not have access to your birth chart, but from the lines on your palm, I see that you have an unusual past, a complicated life at best, a dark one at worst. You must quit being willful and resign to your fate, or else you will receive punishment from the heaven. Please bear in mind what I've said to you."

"Oracle, say all you want. I don't believe in destiny. I will marry Shujo-sama."

Glowering at me, she retaliates, "This family shall not go down during my charge. I will win over the _dono_ – in fact, I am rather confidant of my cause. You see, the _dono_ too, has reservations about letting you, a wench with an unknown background, marry someone as important as Togo-sama." With another grating laugh, she continues, "You may be unwilling but you have no choice – I can't force you to do my bidding but the _dono_ can. Mark my words – I will make you the sacrificial pawn for the preservation of this family!" Turning towards the altar, she gestures for me to leave.

***

Seeing Maru falling asleep while watching over two soundly asleep children can be quite an amusing sight to behold. Careful not to awake the sleeping children, I tiptoe quietly towards Maru and blow air in her ear in my attempt to wake her. But when she does not even stir one bit, I realize that she needs a greater stimulus.

"Maru," I whisper, "Wake up! It's Katagiri-sama!"

True enough, her eyes open in a flash, the fan that she has been holding falls from her grasp, she fumbles to gather herself and is about to get on her knees to beg for forgiveness when I cover her mouth forcefully and place a finger on my lips, "Sheesh! Don't wake the children! It's a joke, Katagiri-sama is not here. It's just me!"

Careful not to wake the children up, we move silently to the room next door.

"Rin-chan, you're really insufferable! Fancy using Katagiri-sama's name to scare me – what kind of friend are you? Don't you know that Katagiri-sama is my nightmare? To me, she is even scarier than a _youkai_!"

Gloating, I reply, "I believe that you are not supposed to be sleeping."

Making a petulant face, she cries out, "Even a maid needs to have her afternoon beauty sleep!"

Ignoring her protest, I crawl over the _tatami_ mat to get the string-less _koto_ lying on the mat. Seeing me start to work on fixing the broken _koto_, Maru gets up to tidy up the place, putting away the toys, books and many other things laying all over the place in their rightful places.

"Where did you come from?" she questions.

"Kitchen." I reply casually without looking up. "I was giving instructions to the servants on decocting Yasuko-sama's medication and the kind of food to prepare suitable for her diet."

"Poor Yasuko-sama! She is born in a rich and influential family and married into another rich and influential family. But she has never had the health to enjoy the wealth that she has. Is this precisely what the Oracle always refers to as 'karma'? Talking about the Oracle, I saw a shrine maid with you earlier on. Did the Oracle summoned for you to go and see her?"

I nod quietly while trying my best to look occupied.

"What did the Oracle say?"

To my own surprise, a defeated sigh leaves my lips. "Nothing new really." Not in the mood to talk about my meeting with the Oracle, I know I need to change the conversation subject immediately before Maru starts asking more questions. "Maru-chan, keep your morning free tomorrow. We're going up to the back mountain."

"Back mountains?" She makes an uneasy face at me. "Do I have to come?"

"Oh yes. There isn't anyone else as free as you." I chuckle. "Besides, Katagiri-sama has already given the permission."

Pouting, she protests, "It has been a long time since you went up, would you still remember where the dividing line lies? To me one tree just looks the same as the other, how do you tell the difference? I have never understood why they don't make a barricade or a fence. I don't want to die up there just because I walk onto the wrong side of the mountain!"

I laugh, "My sense of direction in the woods is fantastic, unlike yours! We'll be alright! Besides, we've worked like this for several decades ever since this castle was built, it has always been fine. It is definitely not for nothing that the back mountain is forbidden premises heavily guarded by the Holy Shrine. Of course not everyone is allowed up there unless one has some tracking ability."

Maru grumbles under her breath, "You must have been a forest animal in your previous life." Then she turns to me and professes aloud, "Rin-chan, if I were to die, I want to only die after I've been with a man."

The _koto_ nearly falls from my lap to the ground. Getting a grip on the _koto_, I utter in confusion, "What?" unsure of what I have heard.

Blinking innocently, Maru repeats herself, "I said that if I have to die, I want to know how it feels to be with a man before I die – or else I'll die with regrets!" Tugging me in the arm, she prods, "Rin-chan, honestly speaking, have you ever been with a man?"

"Well no, of course. I…" Maru has no idea how her blithe declaration is shocking me. Feeling heat suffusing over my cheeks, I try for a nonchalant tone, "I don't have that kind of interest. Where do you get such strange ideas?"

Releasing my arm, she rattles on bubbly, oblivious of my amazement. "Do you know Nao (なを)? She's one of the girls working in the laundry department. She is seeing a lad from the firewood department – we all call him Sou-chan. She is always flaunting the kinds of things they do together, you know, like kissing that sort of thing. She is always saying how her Sou-chan 'gives her pleasure' and makes her feel as if she's the most desired girl in the world, I was just wondering how that feels. You have Shujo-sama, so I guess it shouldn't bother you anymore. But for me – I wonder whether 'spring' will ever come for me? I mean, a lot of servants here are like me, sold here when they were young. All of them work here until the day they die. Since I don't have your looks or your talent, I doubt I would be as lucky as you to be marrying some rich nobleman at any point of my life, you know what I mean? I don't mind not getting married, but I don't want to die not knowing what 'the pleasures' of being with a man is like."

I gasp at her confession, "You girls actually talk about stuff like that during work?"

"All the time – or else life would be too boring! Just not during work but at the end of the day before retiring, we like to gather around the common area at the servant's quarters to talk. We would talk about a lot of things besides this of course. Sometimes we even talk about _youkai_ – oh, by the way, do you know that Nao ever saw _the youkai_?"

I arch my eyebrows questioningly. "_The youkai_?"

Maru's eyes widen. "Yes, _the youkai_ – the one that has been haunting us. She saw it last year during the Fire festival. She and Sou-chan planned a rendezvous amidst the Fire Festival – you know how everyone is busy with something during the Fire Festival that no one would notice who is around and who is not? She decided to sneak off as soon as she is finished with her task so that she would not assigned with more tasks. She reached their meeting place early, which is on one of those slopes that overlook the open area where we normally set up the bonfire – and she hid herself in between the stones to wait for Sou-chan. She fell asleep and when she woke up, it was already dark and because she could hear us singing and smell fire burning, she knew that we have already started. That was when she saw it: the figure of the _youkai_, standing at the edge of the cliff watching us intently not far from where she was hiding. She just sat there and froze, not daring to move or make a sound for the fear that the _youkai_ may discover her presence. According to Nao, the _youkai_ looked almost human. But then she knew that he wasn't human because – he was simply too divinely beautiful to look at. She said that he was dressed entirely in white like a warrior with swords tied to his waist, wore a pelt of thick white fur on one of his shoulders and had long silver hair that gleamed under the moonlight. She couldn't remember how long did she sit there staring at him because she was entirely mesmerized by his heavenliness. She said that the whole time, the _youkai_ merely stood and watched us like a hawk. Eventually when Sou-chan arrived and called her name from behind, she turned around to look for him and by the next moment when she turned back, the _youkai_ had vanished into thin air."

"_Baka_ (バカ, silly or foolish)!" I utter in disbelief, "this is so silly. Why would a _youkai_ look like a human? Furthermore how can a _youkai_ be 'beautiful' to look at? We all know that _youkai_ are gross and hideous. Since the _youkai_ disappeared the minute Sou-chan appeared, isn't it obvious that the _youkai_ knows that Nao is there – would a real _youkai_ let her off? Besides, why wasn't the Oracle or Katagiri-sama informed of this episode?"

"Nao was skiving and secretly meeting a man when she saw the _youkai_, how could she? She would have been thrown out of the castle if Katagiri-sama found out! Well if you think that it couldn't have been a _youkai_, then what do you think it was?

Shrugging, I answer dryly, "I don't know, maybe it was a mountain deity that she saw – irritated by our awful singing and setting up a huge bonfire on his territory that he has to come and inspect what we were doing – or maybe it was her own imagination that she was recounting or maybe she's just making up some story for attention. I just don't find her account very convincing. By the way," I grab her ear lobe and give it a small tug, "Isn't it inauspicious to talk about _youkai_ today, when we'll be going up the back mountain tomorrow?" There is a saying in our circle that when one talks about _youkai_ today, one will meet a _youkai_ tomorrow. I continue to tease, "If we cross the boundary by accident and wake the guardian _youkai_ who guards the back mountain, I'd be holding you responsible!"

"Touch wood! Touch wood!" Maru exclaims aloud.

At this point, we hear some stirring from the adjacent room. Maru immediately springs up. "I think I hear the children wake up. I'd better go take a look!" I nod and gesture for her to go ahead.

***

Time passes by fast when one is busy. Before I know it, the sun is setting and nightfall is approaching. I have just had my supper and am working in the herb room making an account of what is in stock and what needs replenishing. Originally I have been planning to go meet the _youkai taijiya_, but the Oracle's prediction that tonight's attempt would be another futile one, has disinterested me. Engrossed with what I am doing, I have not realized that Maru has been knocking on the door for some time until she bursts into the room, giving me a fright.

"Rin-chan, _wagakimi_ has gone missing from his chamber! Will you please help me look for him?"

"Aren't you bringing _waga_ to meet the _youkai taijiya_?" I point out.

Looking distressed, Maru explains, "It's Katagiri-sama, she has forbidden _wagakimi_ to go see them and has ordered for the children to stay in their chambers. _Wagakimi_ was throwing a tantrum just now before he went missing. He must have sneaked out to see the _youkai taijiya _on his own! I need to go look for him before anything happens to him, can you help me?"

"Sure." I reply, putting down everything that I have been doing and get up immediately.

"Maru, let's break up. You go and look for him along the possible routes he might have taken from his chamber. He might be wandering around not sure where to be. I'll go look for him in the vicinity of the Holy Shrine."

Maru nods in agreement and we proceed with our plan.

The area of the Holy Shrine is busy with activities. Servants and the shrine maids are helping out setting up the altars and arranging offerings on it. It is the practice of the shrine to make an offering to the heaven whenever the ceremonial ground is being used.

A group of people whom I have never seen before in skintight black outfits are walking around as if surveying the area, some of them on the rooftops as if setting up something, while the others are gathered on the ceremonial ground engrossed in their discussion.

Walking around and not seeing the young master, I am getting rather worried, knowing how daring the young master can be. I have been keeping a look out for Katagiri-sama as well, for the fear of bumping into her that I neglect looking out for other people. Kiku (きく)-sama, one of Katagiri-sama's lower ranking housekeepers, a middle-aged lady in her forties like Katagiri-sama, upon seeing me loitering around for some time, comes up to me.

"Good evening _sensei_, are you here to meet the _youkai taijiya_?" she asks politely.

"Good evening Kiku-sama. Yes, I thought it would be interesting to take a look how _youkai tajiya _work." I lie politely back.

"Then you're early. The _taijiya_ are still setting up their equipments around the place, I heard it is for trapping _youkai_ or something. Look at them, they definitely seem professional to me, don't you think? I heard that the Oracle is going first do a prayer and then…"

It happens that Kiku-sama is more amicable than I would like her to be, she continues to babble on and on while I think through the places that I have looked just now, pondering where I could have missed out looking, only to realize that I have indeed looked everything – except the ceremonial grounds, which is one place where I am not allowed to enter without a good reason. Recognizing that I have no choice but seek some help, I decide to wager my luck.

"Kiku-sama," I suddenly break in her chatter, "actually _waga_ has gone missing, probably upset with Katagiri-sama not allowing him to come to see the _taijiya_. I have a hunch that he would be here. Would you be so kind as to ask your maids to help me keep a look out for him?"

Kiku-sama's expression turns serious. "Oh yes _sensei_, of course. Shall we search the ceremonial grounds too? He could have hidden himself there." Luckily for me, it turns out that Kiku-sama does know what kind of mischief is the young master capable of.

"My senses exactly. I have been looking around for him but to no avail. The ceremonial grounds are the only places that I have not been able to search, it is highly possible that he would be there. But the _youkai taijiya_ are working there, would it be alright for us to go there to look?"

"Maybe you should go speak to their leader. I'm sure he would understand if you explain to him the situation. I spoke to him just now, he is such a personable young man, courteous and soft-spoken, and the freckles on his face make him look so cute! I'm sure you'll find him likable too. Oh look, they seem as if they are done with their discussion. Here's your chance to go up to talk to him. You see that young man there? The tall and lean one with his hair tied up neatly in a ponytail?"

"You mean the one with a strange looking gigantic t-shaped-like weapon hanging from his waist?"

"Yes, that's the one."

I walk up slowly towards the man while rehearsing the right words to say in my head. After all, it does not look very good on us that we "lost" our young master and therefore we need to come here and search the place, interfering with their work. It does pay to sound right and look right. But before I could take the final stride to go up to him, he is approached by one of the Oracle's apprentice. Stopping at a distance from them, I could only see the apprentice handing him a piece of fabric, and then as if giving him some kind of instruction, he nods and says his thank-you as the apprentice turns to take her leave. Seeing the apprentice leave, I start to walk towards him, but gradually slowing down to a halt seeing that something is amiss in his expression: his facial features start to strain, holding the material closer and closer to his face in his attempt to take a good look at it. Staring at it for a few moments, his jaw drops down apparently shocked or surprised at what he is looking, and then he utters _it_ – is it a name? It sounds like a name, but yet it should not be a name, I mean, no one has a name like that! No person in the right mind would have a name like that! It should not be a name, yet for some reason, the word from his mouth stays in my mind – there is some peculiar sense of familiarity upon hearing it.

"Rin-chan! Rin-chan!"

It is Maru running up to me. All flustered, she asks, "Have you found _wagakimi_?"

Still in a bit of a trance, I answer absently, "Oh, not yet. I was just about to ask this _taijiya_ here if we could…" Wanting to show Maru who I mean, I turn to the _taijiya_, only to find him glaring at me. He drops his gaze to the material in his hand and then looks up at me questioningly.

It is uncanny – the way he glares. It is as if he wants to ask me something, yet unsure of what he should be asking, subsequently putting me under a spell, unwilling to let me break away from his gaze. I have no idea how long our exchange of glances lasted to the outside world, but to me, it feels like forever. His regard is one filled with confusion, curiosity, perplexity and inquisitions, drawing me in instinctively.

"Hey, what is a kid doing here? Hey, there's a kid here hiding under the altar!" someone yells. Immediately a commotion arises, breaking the spell, and I am grateful for the distraction.

Maru exclaims, "_Wagakimi_!" and in a flash scurries over to the ruckus. By the time I get to Maru, she already has the young master in her arms.

"_Wagakimi_, I was so worried about you!" she cries out in relief.

"I don't want to go back! I want to see the _youkai taijiya_ catch _youkai_! Let me down! Let me down!" the young master bawls, struggling in her arms.

"What's going on here?" a voice demands sternly. Katagiri-sama enters the scene with a deep frown marring her face. Everyone else, even _waga_, quieten straight away.

On the brink of crying, Maru mutters, "Katagiri-sama, I… I…"

At this moment, the leader of the _taijiya_ cuts in, "_Wagakimi_, why do you want to see us exterminate _youkai_?"

Dewy-eyed, _waga_ declares aloud, "I think that it must be really cool to exterminate evil _youkai_. I want to be a _youkai taijiya_ next time when I grow up!"

With a reassuring smile playing over his lips, the leader calmly pulls out a small dagger from the folds of his clothes and shows it to _waga_.

"Do you know what this is _wagakimi_?" _Waga_ shakes his head.

The leader continues, "This is a dagger that I've carried with me since I started out hunting down _youkai_ as a real _taijiya_. It has served me well in numerous missions and don't belittle it just because it is a very small blade – it is so sharp that it can cut through anything! It is also the first object to bear our symbol. Show this to anyone and people would recognize straight away that this is an object of our clan. I'm giving this to you now. Keep it well and when you grow up in future, and if you are still serious about becoming a _taijiya_, you can come and look for me with it."

"Chief, is it alright to give away an object with our emblem like this?" someone whispers.

The young leader simply raises his hand to gesture that his decision has been made and does not want further discussion.

_Waga_ takes the dagger carefully from the _taijiya_, his eyes gleaming with happiness. Sensing that this is a good chance to break up the scene, I quickly add, "_Waga_, now that you've met the _youkai taijiya_, it's time to go. You are not allowed here because the evil _youkai_ that we are hunting eats young children like you for supper. You don't want to be eaten by the evil _youkai_, do you? Furthermore, it's way past your bedtime. Good children don't stay up till such hours!"

Contented with his souvenir, he nods in agreement.

"Maru, let's take _waga_ back." I hint, hoping that I could help Maru slip off under the nose of Katagiri-sama. However, Katagiri-sama being Katagiri-sama, is of course not going to let her go so easily on this slip up. She casts Maru an exasperated glance and commands, "_Sensei_, would you please kindly bring _wagakimi_ back to his chamber. Maru, come with me." Sharply, she turns to leave without saying another word. Starting to sob, Maru hands _waga_ over to me and obediently follows behind Katagiri-sama.

Figuring that I should take my leave too, I nod to the people gathering around and turn to leave when I catch his eyes staring at me again. Our gazes lock for a few moments before I break away to leave.

On my way back to _waga_'s chamber, my thoughts linger on the _taijiya_ leader, wondering why he looked at me the way he did and what was drawn on the piece of fabric that the Oracle's apprentice passed him. If only he had asked me outright what was on his mind!

When we get back, I set the young master on his futon. Still happily fiddling with the dagger he received from the _taijiya_ leader looking very pleased with himself, I shake my head in dismay, wondering if he knows how much trouble he has gotten Maru into with his stunt.

"You've been up to so much mischief today, now it's time to really call it a day. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

He nods obediently, places the dagger beside his futon and shuts his eyes. "Good night, _sensei_!"

Planting a kiss on his forehead, I reply, "Good night, little one. Sweet dreams." I get up ready to leave and gesture for a lady-in-waiting to watch over him.

Recalling my half-done work at the herb room, I decide to head back there to finish off my work. Crossing a quieter section of the castle, a shadow suddenly jumps in front of me from the roof, giving me a fright that I let out a small involuntary scream.

"Please don't be alarmed! I mean no harm!"

Hearing that it is a feminine voice, I feel less threatened. Still wary, I place my arms in front of my chest as I walk up closer to take a better look at her – the "shadow" is a female, probably around my age and dressed in a skin-tight black suit like the other _youkai taijiya_.

"_Taijiya_, I believe that you are not authorized to enter this part of the castle premise." I reproach. "You have better offer me a valid reason for being here and sneaking up on me, or else I'd have to alert the security and it wouldn't look good on your fellow _taijiya_ if this gets out!"

She shakes her head wildly and begs, "Please don't! I mean no harm! My husband would be very angry at me if he knew. I just want to ask you something and I'll be on my way! Please don't make a commotion! I beg you!"

I frown. "What do you want to know?"

She stutters, "I just… I'm just curious… curious about what… what did you and my husband talk about just now?"

Blinking, I echo, "Your husband?"

She nods, "Yes, my husband – the _taijiya_ you talked to just now at the ceremonial grounds."

"Are you talking about the _taijiya_ with freckles and his hair tied up in a ponytail, his weapon looks like a strange T-shaped thing?"

"Yes, that's my husband. What did you tell him? He seems kind of… into you, from the way he was staring at you. I was on the roof when it all happened, I saw everything."

Perplexed by the possibilities of her motivation, I mutter, "Nothing. He was just staring at me and I stared back. Yes, it was kind of awkward back there – the way your husband looked at me. We really didn't say anything to each other. I was actually meaning to ask him if I could search the ceremonial grounds for our young master when someone discovered him hiding under one of the altars."

"It's because your name is 'Rin', that's why he stared at you the way he did." she fills me in. "The girl who ran up to you called out your name really loudly – I could even hear it clearly from the roof." Then, she drops her gaze to the ground. A reluctant smile touches her lips.

"My husband is very sensitive to girls with the name of 'Rin', because his first love was a girl called 'Rin' too."

"Oh, I see." I mumble. "So you were afraid that I could turn out to be his childhood sweetheart? Well, he would have recognized her if he saw her. 'Rin' is a rather common name though, don't you think that you are carrying it a bit too far?"

"He doesn't know how she looks like – that is why he is sensitive to girls with the name of 'Rin'," she confesses.

I arch an eyebrow and stay speechless. How can one not know how your childhood sweetheart looks like?

Shifting her gaze to the path ahead, she chews on her lower lip for a moment.

"The last time he saw her, she was only eleven as he left his village and stayed outside for many years, touring the world in order to gain experience in exterminating _youkai_. He doesn't know how she looks like as an adult. They kept in touch through letters for many years. The year when she was turning sixteen, he had wanted to go back to marry her, but she had disappeared. His sister, who lived in the same village, went together with a few villagers to search for her following her disappearance but to no avail. They presumed that she was probably dead but I guess he still hopes that she is still alive and well somewhere in the world. It has been many years already, he still brings her letters with him wherever he goes and reads them from time to time…" She trails off with a sigh.

"Well, he _did_ choose to marry you. It shows that he is willing to move on even though occasionally he needs to recall the past." I smile at her sympathetically. "You must believe that he had married you because you mean something special to him."

She casts me a searching look. "Do you genuinely think so? But sometimes I do wonder – wonder if he had married me out of love, _or_ did he marry me out of obligation?" Catching on my inquisitive glance, she explains, "My father was a _taijiya_ working under my husband. He died in action. Just before his death, he entrusted me to my husband, therefore my husband's sense of obligation towards me. You see, my husband is a very kind man – sometimes, perhaps too kind."

As if sensing my uneasiness, she realizes that she has been talking too much. Laughing nervously, she utters, "I wonder why I told you all those things? This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry for intruding. Sorry for taking up your time. I need to go back to my group."

She turns to leave but stops in her path after a few steps, turns back and gives me a meaningful look. For a few moments of silence, her eyes bore into mine. Finally, she admits in a low voice, "I'm sorry, I guess I really got too carried away by my insecurity and my jealousy. I mean, seeing my husband stare at you like that, I really needed to know who you are and what you two talked about. Frankly, I was hoping that you wouldn't be this pretty."

***

**{Chapter 1 The End}**

***


	3. Chapter 2: My Unspeakable Secret pt 1

Two – My Unspeakable Secret

"I finally understand that the robot did not give me an answer, it was perhaps not because her reaction was slow, or that she didn't like me. I think it's because she already has someone else in her heart."

---- Tony Leung in "2046".

The morning air is crisp and fresh. The sun is mild and there is a cooling breeze combing the land. It feels really great to be out in the wild on such a fine morning rather than stay cooped up in the castle. As the weather is extremely good today with the sky being exceptionally clear, visibility stretches far and wide. It has been long time since I enjoyed such a fantastic view of the land, villages, rivers and this mountain ridge that stretches a distance as far and wide as the eye can see.

Normally exhilarating sceneries make me happy, but not today. Spotting a herbal plant from a distance, I walk over and start digging into the ground with a spade until the whole plant could be dislodged together with the roots. I dust the soil off carefully and toss it into the basket that I am carrying on my back. Feeling the weight on my heart, I let a sigh.

In fact, it has been more than mere gloominess. This morning, just now, I have already lost my temper at the shrine guard guarding the gate when he tried to stop me from coming up here as I was alone. To be honest, I feel rather bad about the incident come to think of it now. I lashed out at him when he gently pointed out to me that I was not supposed to go into the mountain without another hiking partner. However, being in an obnoxious mood upon hearing the news that the Oracle has approached with the _dono_ and successfully persuaded him to break off my engagement with Shujo-sama, I could not care less. I did not get a chance to speak to the _dono_ personally for clarification as he has left for the capital immediately after the Oracle's audience with him and would only be back after ten days. Feeling rebellious towards the Oracle and the Holy Shrine, I castigated the guard and used Yasuko-sama's condition to threaten him. Unable to contain my rebuke, he relented and let me through. Sigh, did I have to be so unreasonable? The guard was merely trying to do his job. After all, it is for the sake of everyone's safety that rules like these are made. I really should have gotten someone else to come with me when Maru could not make it.

Well, talking about Maru, she is the other reason for my moodiness. Due to what happened last night, after she left with Katagiri-sama, she has been made to kneel in the ancestor hall since then until noon as punishment. Poor Maru! Why couldn't Katagiri-sama show some leniency knowing how playful children can get? But then again, Katagiri-sama will always be Katagiri-sama: leniency is simply not a word that can be found in her dictionary.

Walking over to a stubby bush, I take out the spade once again from my pouch and dig into the ground while musing on how Shujo-sama would react to the _dono_'s decision? If what the Oracle says is true, that women are just accessories to noblemen, would I mean nothing to him? Although I dislike the Oracle, what she says regarding men could unfortunately be true to a great extent. All noblemen have many wives. The _dono_ himself has now four wives and fifteen concubines, I wonder if he truly loves anyone of them? I pull the plant out carefully in order not to break the roots, dust off the soil, cut off the green top and throw it into the basket. I stare into the air, contemplating whether I could stand sharing a man with so many women.

For some reason, the memory of an casual incident comes to mind.

Four times a year, I would accompany Yasuko-sama on her pilgrimage to _Tenryuji_ (天龍寺, テンリュウヂ), a prestigious Buddhist temple in the south for noble families. Unlike Yasuko-sama, who is there to pray and cleanse her spirit, I go with her to take care of her as her physician, hence I often end up with a lot of free time at hand. When the weather is good, I would take time off in the afternoon to wander in the woods by myself. When the weather is not too enticing, I would spend my time in the temple library reading their collectible literature. One afternoon when I was wandering in the woods, I saw a monk sitting at a pavilion alone. In front of him was a game of chess and as he was staring at it so intently, it aroused my curiosity to go up and talk to him.

"_Osyou-sama_ (和尚様, monk), what are you doing?" I asked as I peered at the chessboard. Without looking up, he replied, "_O-jou-sama_ (お嬢様, young lady/miss), I'm playing chess." I scratched my head. "Who are you playing against? Yourself?" He shook his head. "Someone. He has already left three days ago." Did he mean that he has been sitting here looking at the game of chess for the past three days? Can anyone be this engrossed in a mere game of chess? Finally looking up, the monk sighed. "When I asked my opponent to give me more time to break his moves, he chided me for being naive and laughed at me, saying that even if I were to practice for another hundred years, I might not be able to do so. After looking at it for three days three nights, I found no loopholes. I guess he was right. I admit defeat. What a game! What a game!"

I knew something about chess, although not very good at it, I could see that it is true that his opponent is very good deploying tactics. I exclaimed, "_Osyou-sama_, your opponent is indeed vicious! There is no way forward and at the same time there is no way back. You can't move here and you can't move there. What a difficult game! There seems to be no way to resolve this in any way."

The monk laughed and nodded, "_Amithaba_ (a Buddhistic chant). Life is akin to a game of chess and a game of chess is played with the principles we lead our lives. Sometimes we are caught in situations that we cannot save ourselves from. I thought I was so good in chess that I would not be able to find another opponent good enough to play with me, so I end up spending a lot of time playing against myself. Then three days ago I came to a point when I couldn't decide for a very long time how to best end a game, that was when this person came along and broke the impasse. Perhaps I shouldn't have invited him to a game of chess, then I wouldn't have lost. But if I hadn't lost, I wouldn't have gained experience playing with such a worthy opponent. When life is not smooth-sailing, instead of wasting time dwelling on what we've lost, we should spend more time appreciating what we have gotten in return. What a great game! What a worthy opponent!"

I pouted, not totally agreeing with what I heard. "_Osyou-sama_, the man whom you played with is very good but I don't like his attitude. He is totally arrogant! Practice for another hundred years? No one can live that long, hence he is meaning to say that _osyou-sama _you can never be as good as him! Winning the game is one thing, does he have to be this sarcastic? He sounded as if he has been around for a few hundred years, the least he can do is to show some good sportsmanship and say something encouraging!"

The monk raised his eyebrows. "How is that impossible when he is a _youkai_?" I stared at the monk in disbelief, "_Osyou-sama_, you were playing chess with a _mononoke_?" He laughed heartily in amusement, "_O-jou-sama_, when did I ever say that I was playing chess with a _ningen_?" Unable to believe that a holy monk played chess with a sinister _mononoke_ and he was putting it as if it was a common everyday thing, I protested, "_Osyou-sama_, you sat down and played chess with a _mononoke_? But he's a _mononoke_!" He merely smiled serenely and explains, "_Amithaba_. _O-jou-sama_, in this world, everything is the same. We are all equal. Man or beast, we are the same. _Ningen_ (人間) or _youkai_, we are the same. With time, benevolence, vengeance, honor and humiliation will fade away all the same."

Up to now, I still cannot entirely comprehend what _osyou-sama_ was trying to say when he preached how _ningen_ and _youkai_ are the same – how can we be the same as _mononoke_? But I do understand a little what he meant when he talked about how we sometimes find ourselves caught in situations that we cannot control. As much as I wish to be married, since the _dono_ has obstructed the plans, there is not much I could do. Instead of dwelling on the unhappy things, maybe I should think of the good things in return. Maybe life would be more fulfilling if I remain working as a tutor and practice medicine. Not marrying may not be such a bad thing, at least I would not have to spend the rest of my life fighting for a husband's attention or dealing with concubine-squabbles. No, I don't think I can stand sharing the man I love with even one other woman, not to mention more than one – and if I can do it, it would only be because my so-called "love" for that man is not that deep. Furthermore, now I have Maru in my life. If I were to marry, I may not be able to see her again for the rest of my life, and I think I will always worry about her at the back of my mind. But now come to think of it, did I agree to be married as some man's second wife because... it is a logical thing to do and I like him only enough to enjoy his company but not enough to love him?

After walking a bit further, my attention is drawn to a bush nearby with brilliant red-colored flowers. The sweet smell of the brightly-colored blossoms somewhat brightens up my mood. Smiling to myself, I pluck off a few flowers carefully, tie them up into a bunch and stuff it into one of my pouches. Maybe I should offer this as apology to the guard later when I get back?

At this moment, an animal's heavy snorting distracts me from my thoughts. To my apprehension, not too far away from where I am standing, is a wild swine feeding on something... I close my eyes in dreadfulness. A boar? What is a boar doing at this part of the mountain? Normally it would have been too steep to be inviting for predators to roam about here! Hold on, is it...? Yes, it is feeding on a deer trapped by one of the traps set by hunters from the castle! I thought hunters are not allowed to set up traps here? This area is known for being rich in healing herbal plants and therefore no traps are to be set around here as trapped games may attract predators, endangering the lives of physicians and medical assistants who come up here from time to time to replenish common herbs. I bite my lower lip in distress, full of regret that I have been overly willful to come up here alone, putting my life in danger. This is one of the reasons why we have been ordered never to come into the back mountains alone: the fear of running into wild animals. Another is of course, the need to keep within the perimeters of "our side" of the mountain.

The mountain that this castle is built on is extremely rich in flora and fauna. This is a vital criteria when determining whether a site is suitable for building a castle as this would denote whether food would be plenteous. However, the most important factor would be whether the plot of land possesses favorable geomantic conditions that would bless the occupants of the castle. People have long believed that the arrangement of things and the presence of elements could influence the _ki_ (気, energy) of the surroundings, resulting in superior _ki_ or unfavorable _ki_. That has been the reason why despite the fact that a _youkai_ inhabits one side of this mountain, the castle is built here. Holy monks commissioned to "solve" the _youkai_ problem set up a seal to keep the _youkai_ dormant within a certain extensive perimeter. The monks refused to banish the _youkai_ because they felt that it would be unfair to it as it is after all the original occupant of this mountain, hence it would be sinful to do anything outrageous merely for the sake of accommodating us. For as long as eighty years, nothing has ever happened as people from the castle have obediently observed the rule of not crossing the demarcation. As no one has ever seen the _youkai_, as time passes by, the legend of the dormant _youkai_ living in the back mountain turned into a sort of myth for the younger generations.

I hold my breath, hoping that the boar will not catch the wind of my scent and tiptoe quietly backwards from the animal. Unfortunately luck is not with me: while there is not much breeze at the moment, there has not been much rain recently, as a result the ground is exceptionally dry, resulting in the twigs and dead leaves lying on the ground to be thoroughly sapless, stepping on them causes the twigs to snap and the leaves to break crisply. I gasp in fright and look up – indeed, the animal is already looking in my direction as it snorts heavily and grunts a few times, obviously delighted at its discovery.

"Before it starts charging at me, I have to immobilize him first." the thought runs through my mind. I promptly dig into my pouch to find my immobilizing weapon: a straw and a poisonous needle. In my haste to get hold of a needle, I accidentally prick myself in the finger. "Ouch!" I let out a small cry and glance helplessly at the blood oozing out from my punctured wound. Oh no, I can't let any of the medication get into my bloodstream. These needles are prepared specially for immobilizing animals in less than a minute, hence the dosage is unusually concentrated – a small amount could put someone like me to sleep for hours! If I were to lose consciousness now, I'll be dead for sure.

I put the finger to my mouth, suck hard at the punctured wound and spit out the blood quickly, hoping that it is not too late. Although the amount of blood is not a lot, however faint, the scent of blood must have been stimulating for an animal's senses because I could hear the animal's breathing getting harder and harder by the second while it lets out a few threatening bellows. Knowing that I cannot afford to waste any more time – it is either now or never – in a quick movement, I reach for another needle, insert it into the straw and blow as hard as I can at the swine. Before I could ascertain whether the animal has been hit or not, it stamps one of its forefeet furiously and starts charging at me.

There is no time to think – I turn and run frantically for my life. I wonder if the needle hit the animal? If it did, all I need to do now is to keep running until the effect of the medication sets in. I lock my jaw and set my mind to survive this one or two minute no matter what! Wherever a path appears in front of me, I will make a dash for it. Suddenly, I feel a dip in ground that I am stepping on. Before I can comprehend the situation, I lose my balance and I start rolling down a long slope. When my momentum finally stops at the bottom of the slope, all I know is that my back hurts, my knees hurt, feet hurt, my arms hurt – every part of my body seems to be in pain. Remembering my chaser, I look around for it to find it eyeing me from the top of the slope. Recognizing the animal's disinclination for descending altitude gives me a glimpse of hope to escape from its clutches. I want to get up to run away but the intense pain piercing through my ankles and my knees causes me collapse onto the ground. I hug my legs to my chest, trembling in pain. The boar lets out a couple of angry snorts and when I look up, a sensation of apprehension runs through me when I see the swine making its way carefully down the slope, apparently not willing to let its prey off this easily.

Knowing that I have to take the opportunity now to get away as far as possible before it gets to the bottom, I get on my knees and start crawling. The aching pain seems to get worse with every step. Soon I find myself palpitating hard and unable to take another step. I turn around to check the situation and find the animal reaching the bottom. Frenzy overcomes me as I gather the last of my strength to crawl on, only to fall on the ground after a few steps.

I shut my eyes and tears roll down my cheeks, expecting to be killed by the charging boar in the next few seconds. But after a few moments, nothing happens. I open my eyes and find the animal laying on the ground motionlessly. After a few more moments, blood seeping out of it stains the ground it is laying on red. The boar... is dead? But how? Confusion overcomes me. Even if the needle hit it, the drug is only meant to cause it to lose its strength temporally so that it loses its capacity to attack, not kill it... why is it dead?

Just as I am starting to calm down a little, a strange feeling comes to me: is it my imagination or is the ground vibrating? Indeed – the ground everywhere seems to be shaking and the impact seems to be getting greater and greater by the minute. Suddenly recalling something, I look around and find this part of the mountain alarmingly unfamiliar. My body stiffens as I embrace myself for the unthinkable... did I cross the boundary while running away from the swine? Have I... broken the seal?

Within the next few moments, the ground before me breaks up and a gigantic black creature appears from the abyss below, its angry bellowing deafens my ears. My mind is in a total disarray as I watch helplessly everything unfolding before me. The creature, as if antagonized by the awareness that it has been put to sleep for many decades unwillingly, has gone outright distraught. It goes on a maddening rampage trampling and smashing everything in its way, stopping only occasionally to roar thunderously into the air. I shake in fear, unable to run for my life as a strange numbness overtakes my body. The thought of how many lives and homes that could be lost, and possibly even the entire ecology system of the whole mountain ridge severely disrupted, all because of my foolishness, devastates me.

All of a sudden, the ground behind me seems to be... jerking? It feels as if another enormous creature is approaching. Weakly, I turn around and tremble violently upon seeing a gigantic white dog – much larger than the size of the mountain _youkai_ – coming towards me. I cover my mouth to prevent myself from screaming out loud... Why are there _two_ _youkai_?

I know I should run before the menacing dog-_youkai_ kills me – there is a sort of ferocity in the demeanor of the creature that is utmost frightening. To make things worse, what is the most perturbing, is inevitably how the saliva that seeps through its long sharp fangs burns and dissolves everything that it touches... The truth is, as much as I would like to run away, I cannot seem to feel any of my limbs. I shut my eyes tightly, unwilling to look on any further. Dying like this should be... rather painful?

But the pain never comes. When I open my eyes again, baffled by the length of time to meeting my end, I find, to my bewilderment, that the terrifying giant hound has long gone past without paying any attention to me. I stare on, unable to make sense out of anything that is happening, and see the husky canine challenging the mountain _youkai_ directly. Both _youkai_ roar ferociously at each other in an attempt to subjugate each other by intimidation.

I don't know where do I find the strength, but before I know it, I am on my knees crawling cripplingly away from the scene. I don't know how far and for how long I have been crawling, but when a piercing pain sets in, causing me to roll on the ground in agony, I know I have reached my limit. After a while, when the pain feels somewhat less grinding, I sit up and put my hands on the badly torn kimono that scantly covers my bloody knees to soothe the wound while I whimper softly, wallowing in self-pity. Strange, the ruckus seems to have quieten down... how come?

"Are you hurt?"

I jump when I hear the voice because having another living soul in the vicinity is really unimaginable in this situation. I turn my head and look up at where the voice is from behind me, however with the sun in my eyes, I could make out the white kimono and the three swords hanging from _his_ waist but not any of _his_ facial features. Although subconsciously it feels rather bizarre that someone turns up out of nowhere asking me how my wounds are, my head feels really heavy from all the drama that has just taken place that, to be honest, I have lost all my amplitude for common sense analysis.

"My knees and my ankles hurt a lot..." my voice breaks off unwittingly after a few words, due to a sudden surge of emotions up my chest resulting in a strange compulsion to cry. As a physician, I know that after attaining a fracture or a bad sprain wound, moving like how I did forcibly would inevitably aggravate the wound severely. "I don't think I can walk... I don't think I'll be able to make it back home..." Unable to suppress my angst, I break into tears once again.

Without saying anything, the person kneels down next to me, beckons for me to stretch out my legs as he gingerly takes off my shoes and starts to check on my ankles. Only then does my mind sobers up, as if breaking off from being in a trance: I have never been touched so intimately by a man before, not even Shujo-sama – he has never even held my hand – and yet this stranger from nowhere is holding my feet in his hands? Now that my mind clears up, I start to notice, to my puzzlement, that the hair spreading around his shoulders is silver, instead of black, gleaming beautifully under the sun. The purple flower motifs, carefully embroidered on his sleeves, are so pretty and refined, most likely his family clan crest? Although his touch feels callused, the skin of his hand is fair, complimenting well with the color of his kimono. But when I look closer, I stiffen when I realize how unusually long and sharp his nails are. When he stretches his hand to push up the kimono covering my knees, it becomes impossible for me to contain my misgivings when the magenta strips on his hand are exposed. Feeling the sudden jerk from me, he looks up and stares at me in the eye; upon meeting his golden eyes and recognizing the resembling magenta strips that are present on his face as well to be demonic markings, I let out a gasp, recoil from his grip and back away from him as fast as I could.

"You... " Fear overcomes me. All I can think of is to get away from the _mononoke _(もののけ, a supernatural being); yet every bit that I move away from him, he comes closer. "You... You..." My mind remains a constant blank as I continue to back away from him. "Please don... don't come any clo... closer..." I stammer in random. Finally when my back is against something blocking my way, he stops in his path. He squats down to my eye-level and observes me coolly. "You..." breathing hard, I blurt, "You _mononoke_?"

I hear him draw a sharp breath. He glares at me, measuring me in a slow, exacting way. He does not blink an eye or wear any facial expression that gives a clue on what is going on in his mind. It is precisely this composed disposition about him, coupled with the seeming concern he has for me that is downright perturbing.

"If you let me help you," he coaxes, "you'll be home in a while."

I twitch at the thought and shake my head furiously. "No, I'm alright, please leave me alone! I'm sorry that I intruded into your side of the mountain and broke your seal. I didn't do that on purpose. It was an accident... I never meant to trespass. Please kindly forgive me _mononoke-sama_!"

Something flares in his eyes and a light frown furrows his brow. He says plainly, "I will not hurt you, so placate your fear." But how are these words in any way comforting? I shake my head rapidly, this time as good as begging him, "I'm really alright... please... please leave me alone! How about if I promise never to set my foot onto the back mountain ever again for as long as I live? Would you please kindly forgive me and leave me alone?" His frown deepens and this time he retorts, "_I said_ I will not hurt you." Sensing his displeasure, my body tenses up and I start to weep in between taking in short anxious breaths of air. Unable to force out any words, I shake head continuously as a reply.

The next thing I know, he is right in front of me. What did he do? I don't remember seeing him move and yet he is in front of me. I look up only to find him glowering at me. "You're not staying here by yourself," he declares adamantly. Before I could react, he has already hauled me onto his arm, letting my body lean on the furry side of his attire. He has done it so smoothly that I lose my composure in the process, causing me to instinctively throw my arms around his neck in panic, only to meet his inquisitive bewildered gaze.

I have never been held by anyone like this before so intimately. We are so close to each other and I have never been this close to a man in my life; regardless of the fact that he is a _mononoke_, his scent – unquestionably masculine – arouses my feminine instincts. His face – impeccably handsome – I have not yet met a _ningen_ this good-looking and I never knew that a _mononoke_ could be this beautiful.

With my cheeks flaming, I quickly withdraw my arms in a frenzy of embarrassment. I don't remember ever being this discomposed in front of anyone. Suddenly remembering my stance, I push him away in distress as I plead weakly, "Please let me go..." His other arm tightens around me and his taunting gaze daring me to protest further. As it becomes clear that he does not intend to relent, I learn to behave and he lets the arm that traps me go.

"I'll take you back to the castle," he professes and starts walking. I straighten my back, afraid of leaning too close on him. He stands tall and strong, carrying me on one arm as if I weigh nothing. Are _mononoke_ all as strong as him? My eyes tip to the ground so as to avoid his gaze, that is, if he is watching me.

After walking for a while, some commotion could be heard from afar; hearing human voices, my heart flutters in hope. "Tho... those people in the vicinity would bring me back to the castle when they find me, so you can leave me here," I mutter timidly in a small voice, wary of sparking his annoyance again. He remains silent and simply continues walking on, completely ignoring me. Why is he so obnoxious? Are _mononoke_ all as obnoxious as him? "Did... did you hear me?" I stammer insecurely. Abruptly, he stops and says quietly, "You're bleeding." "Huh?" I murmur, a bit confused. I look down and see blood dripping down my legs, forming a red line on the ground we walked over. Without warning, he leaps from the ground. His action all of a sudden startles me – I shut my eyes tight and grab on to him for my life.

He lands a few seconds later and I open my eyes, surprised to find his other arm placed over my shoulder securing me to his body with his hand cupping my head protectively all these while. He releases his grip and places me cautiously on the ground. I look around and find myself in a cave that I never knew existed. He kneels down, reaches for both feet and gently shoves the fabric of my kimono upwards to reveal my knees so that he could examine my wounds. I shiver at his touch.

"I... I have some medication here that would stop the bleeding and disinfect it," I confess, pulling out a small tube of cream from my pouch. It is normal practice to carry such basic medication around when going up the mountains in case of accidents. Although in the midst of all the drama, I have lost the basket that I carry on my back containing the herbs I picked, I did not lose the pouch that contains my medications fortunately. "You need to clean your wounds first," he points out. "I have some water with me," I reply as I fish out a small empty bottle from another pouch. "Oh, but I've drank all the water I brought." He takes the bottle from my hand and says, "I'll go and fetch some water. If you know what's best for you, stay put." Then he pauses for a while, as if thinking of something, then corrects himself with a faint twisted smile, "Well actually, it doesn't make a difference whether you stay put or try to escape because I'd find you anyway." I look away and pretend not to have caught on his smirk.

Sharply, he turns and disappears in a second. I gape after him at the exit of the cave in marvel, really fascinated that a creature this tall and big could move this fast... so fast that my eyes could not see him move! Within a few minutes, he comes back with a full bottle. "Where did you fetch this water from?" I exclaim in wonder. "Are there streams or other water sources nearby?" "No," he answers disinterestedly as he pours the water carefully over my knees. "I got this from the river at the bottom of the mountain." My eyes widen in disbelief: normally one would take about half a day to get down from the castle to the river at the bottom, so by right it should cost a whole day to go down and come up again. Yet he does it within a few minutes? Can _mononoke_ all move this fast?

"Ouch," I resist a little, adverse to the aching pain from the wound coming into contact with water. "You'll be feeling much better as soon as this is over. Endure it for a while longer, alright?" he comforts. "You must not move around unnecessarily anymore or else the fracture would get worse and affect recovery," he adds. Although his tone is plain, the tenderness in his tone is unmistakable, striking a chord in me. Feeling uneasy with this intimacy, I yank the bottle from him and insist sheepishly, "I'll do this myself."

He sits by the side and watches my every move – how I rinse my wounds, pat them dry with the gauze that I carry in my kit, apply medication – I can feel his gaze on me constantly, deciphering every emotion depicted by my expressions, no matter how small, taking them all in. Is it because he has never been this close to a _ningen_ before, hence his fascination?

"Why are you doing this?" I ask quietly as I pack the things back to the pouch. "Doing what?" he replies slowly. "I crossed the line and trespassed onto your side of the mountain, shouldn't you be angry? Instead wanting to kill me, you offer to carry me back to the castle and you are even nice enough to fetch water for me to clean my wounds. Are _mononoke_ all as friendly to _ningen_ as... ?" Without letting me finish, he snaps, "If you're done, let's go."

I bite my lip and reach for my jade pendant – a tendency that I have when I am upset, insecure or deep in thoughts – and to my alarm, it is no longer there! I gasp in horror and start to feel around my kimono, look in my pouches and on the ground around me to find it but to no avail. "Lost something?" he questions, his look as nonchalant as always. I stop and fidget uneasily. "No, I didn't lose anything," I lie, not sure why. "Then let's go," he answers instantly and kneels down to pick me up. His movement is so swift like any of his other movements that it slips my eyes and before I know it, I am already on his arm. Catching me by surprise once again, I grab hold of his pelt and pull myself close to his body at the spur of the moment for balance. Then upon realizing what I am doing, I push him away, completely mortified by my own reaction. I make the mistake of glancing up at that moment – I freeze when being caught in the hypnotizing power of his gaze, my lips part in sharp inhalation: why does he have such a searing impact on me? I have never felt like this before with anyone or any man. Not even with Shujo-sama. This is all so... perplexing. Is it because he is a _mononoke_? Or is it because he is so attractive and yet so manly at the same time?

When we are out of the cave, I realize that we are on very high grounds, so high that the wind is really chilly. We descend a few meters with ease but continue to move on the higher parts of the mountain and voices of people can constantly be heard in the far background. The sudden upheaval in the mountain must have caused a large commotion as the breaking of the seal has never happened before until now. I believe not only people from the castle, villagers and monks from the nearby monasteries would be coming up the mountain to investigate what has just happened. I wish to tell the _mononoke_ a couple of times to leave me somewhere as people would find me and bring me back to the castle, but every time the words never get out. Another thing that confounds me is that if he can go up and down this mountain within minutes, why is he walking leisurely one step by one step now? Although I am curious, I am too much of a coward to ask.

Soon I am feeling tired from sitting so stiffly upright (so as not to lean too close to him), but almost immediately I feel bad at the thought. How can I feel tired being carried? "Wou... would you like to take a break? It must be tiring for you to carry me," I ask, genuinely concerned. "No," he replies flatly. "You're not tired? But we've been walking for quite some time! How can it be not tiring for you to carry me like this?" I insist. "You don't weigh anything." he declares aloofly, his response leaves me speechless.

Somehow my eyelids start to feel really heavy after sometime. The more I fight to stay awake, the more difficult it is to keep my eyes open. It is really strange that I would feel at ease enough to want to sleep. Then I must have passed out for some time because when I open my eyes again, we are no longer moving but seated somewhere. The _mononoke_ must have decided to take a break after all. At first, my mind still feels muddled, barely awake from my slumber, but when I start to become conscious of _feeling_ his thick soft fur that my body is laying comfortably against, my eyes open wide in an instant and push himaway in agitation as I sit up, only to suffer from further abashment to find myself seated on his lap.

The awareness of him – his body, his scent – sends my mind whirling – this is too much intimacy with a stranger, not to mention that he is also a _mononoke,_ than I can take. I jolt away from him, nearly falling off his lap. He catches me and secures me in his arms. I look up and see his face wearing _that_ blank expression of apathy like always. Even though his face is expressionless, upon meeting his icy gaze, I feel a pang in my heart. Unwilling to look him further in the eye, I jerk my eyes from his, in the hope that both my blush and my racing heartbeat have eluded him. _Kami-sama_, what is wrong with me? He being a _mononoke_ may be one thing, but the truth is that _everything_ about him unsettles me.

None of my fumbling has evoked a word of displeasure from him. Neither did my flushing nor my erratic heartbeat seem to stir one bit of emotions in him. He simply waits patiently for me to stop fidgeting awkwardly and when I eventually do, he asks, "Shall we make a move?" I nod feebly. Then without saying a word, he gets up with me on his arm and starts moving. Are _mononoke_ all as devoid of feelings as him?

When my emotions finally settle down, I start to notice how the voices of people in the background before have become no longer audible. To make things worse, I look around and find nothing familiar in the route that we are taking: is he truly going to take me back to the castle?

"Are we moving in the right direction? How come we seem to have gotten further away from the people?" I demand, unable to cover up the exasperation in my voice. The _mononoke_ simply walks on without saying anything."Where are we going?" Once again, I could not elicit a response from him and panic overcomes me. "_Mononoke_, where are you taking me? Put me down! Let me go!" I wail and attempt to writhe from his hold. He stops in his path and restrains me firmly with both arms as he looks on coldly. "Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me? Put me down _mononoke_!" As if something suddenly snaps inside him, his grip constricts considerably, binding my body tighter to his.

"Stop all this right now or I'll kill you," he hisses in my face, his breath practically scorching my cheeks. A tightness constricts my throat and an intense sensation of melancholy surges up my chest. Why does everything seems to go against me today? First, it was the Oracle, then came along a bloodthirsty swine, then I broke the eight decades-old seal and released two _youkai_, then this mysterious and insufferable _mononoke_ appears and would not leave me alone, and now he threatens to kill me! What does he want with me? Why is he being so mean? I told him that I was sorry! Why is he doing all this? He's so mean! Is he really going to kill me?

I burst into tears and could not care less what the _mononoke_ thinks. I feel so sad and desolated that I could no longer contain the overwhelming feeling of dejection. The longer I cry, the worse I feel. Gradually every tragedy that occurs in my life comes to mind, like having lost my memories four years ago and unable to recall who I am, Yasuko-sama being constantly sick because of some strange _youkai_ that could not be banished, an oracle who despises me and out to make my life miserable, and my precious jade pendant – the only thing I have that would give a clue to my forgotten past – lost in this vast mountain... I feel so sad crying.

"We are taking a detour so that we won't run into your fellow _ningen,_" the _mononoke_ clarifies, his tone somewhat benign and his voice a little hoarse. "Like you, most _ningen_ are terrified of _youkai_. I said that I'll bring you back to the castle, that's where we are going. I know this mountain like the back of my hand and most of the time I move around places that are inaccessible to you _ningen_, therefore the routes that I take can be different from what you take."

I nod, although satisfied with his explanation, I could not seem to stop my sobbing at will. I lower my face, shut my eyes and try to pacify my feelings. The _mononoke_ has long loosened his hold, but he does not let his other arm go like before. Instead, he leaves it over my shoulders and walks on without another word. I don't know how much time has passed but I feel my mind coming down with an immense fatigue. I close my eyes and the next thing I know, I feel something dabbing on my forehead. I open my eyes wearily and see Maru watching me with a worried look on her face with a wet towel in her hand. "Rin-chan," she bursts out, "you're finally awake! I'm so glad. You know, I was so worried about you."

**{Part 1 The End}**

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